There is a hole in many of us that will never fill up. For some it’s love, for others it’s money, for others it’s recognition. For me, it’s worthiness. I never feel like I’m good enough, have accomplished enough, or checked enough stuff off my to-do list. I realized that at some point, I started to tell myself that I’m lazy. This created a bizzare dynamic in my life that I have fought for at least thirty years, without even realizing I was fighting it. For the people who know me, they are probably thinking, “You are the least lazy person I know next to Oprah, and possibly the President.” Isn’t that ironic? On the outside, I’m not lazy … I’m actually a “git ‘er done” kind of gal. Yet this comes from my need to prove to myself (and everyone else) that I’m not lazy.
I had the opportunity to really experience the impact of what it’s like to constantly prove to the world I’m not lazy. I know for myself, my experience of the world is much like Scrat in “Ice Age”. I’m always rushing around, frenetic, wondering if I’ve forgotten to do something, or if there is something else I should be doing, jaw clenched, pulse racing, blood pressure pounding, neck in knots … it’s NOT a fun place to be. I also realize that even when I get stuff done, it’s never enough! Sure I got that task done, or that big project, but that’s just one thing. If I’m not careful, I’ll turn into a sloth overnight. And for the people around me, it must be exhausting! When I take on more than I can do on my own, to prove how not-lazy I am, they get to help me out with what I can’t get done. When they try to praise me for doing a great job, or for all the hard work I do, I dismiss them, “Yeah, sure, thanks … it’s just getting something done.” Around me, there is no time to just chill and relax, or when I do try to relax, you get my guilt trip as an uninvited guest!
I realized that I can let this go. I can take on being relaxed, peaceful, and happy as a way of approaching my life. Instead of trying to prove to everyone what I’m not, I can take on living my life in this way. What this means is that my exercise routine can be fun! It can be a way to spend some “me” time. The kick off event for Mentoring Movement can be a party, instead of a mad dash where I’m trying to handle every detail.
Let’s support each other’s efforts to take on our life afresh. Our exercise journey doesn’t have to be the same old slog. Let me know if this speaks to you. Are there any areas in your life you work to prove to others how different you are? Are there areas you try to fill up and never get full?
Thank you for reading and sharing. Together we all grow.